For Now
by anek
Summary: Hisoka witnesses the strong bond between Tatsumi and Tsuzuki... and wonders if there's a place for him in Tsuzuki's heart. Tatsumi x Tsuzuki / Tsuzuki x Hisoka. one shot.


For Now  
By: anek  
  
  
  
A/n: hiya^^ this is just a short angsty ficcy. Hisoka POV^^. Takes place on volume 7 of manga after Tsuzuki had a little run-in with Muraki but Tatsumi to the rescue^^. The events may not be in order and I've changed the conversation a *little* bit, but it's basically from the same scene.  
Anyway, pairing is Tatsumi x Tsuzuki Tsuzuki x Hisoka.  
Please read^^  
  
Disclaimer: gyah, don't make me do this. I really don't want to face reality and admit that Tsuzuki-san isn't mine   
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   
  
  
  
  
The first time he told me he'd protect me... I feigned indifference. Because I couldn't understand why, after all... we've only known each other for a short while. We were partners in work... and nothing more.  
  
Then he told me again... he'd protect me. I told him I didn't need it. We were partners, perhaps friends... and nothing more.  
  
Many times after... he told me again. He'd protect me and always stay by my side. I stayed silent then... because the words I wanted to say wouldn't come out.  
  
I want to protect you too... Tsuzuki...  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~`  
  
  
  
  
So many things I lost.  
  
So many things I never had.  
  
But he gave them all to me in one smile.  
  
I stayed behind while Tatsumi-san carried his limp body through the door and laid him on the elegant hotel bed. A quick explanation told me that they had a little run-in with Muraki.  
  
The name of that crazed doctor brought the familiar hatred in me... but perhaps hatred was no longer the strongest emotion I was capable of.  
  
I took a peek at Tsuzuki's face half burrowed on the white sheets. Concern... fear... guilt... I wondered when I started feeling those again... probably the first time I saw Tsuzuki's smile. Idiot, scatterbrain, clumsy... what was good about him again?  
  
Yet strange... for none of us can seem to go on without him.  
  
I know.  
  
Because I can see it in Tatsumi-san's eyes.  
  
Tatsumi-san pulled the covers over Tsuzuki, an unusually gentle expression on his face. He brushed a stray strand of dark hair that fell over Tsuzuki's childish face.  
  
I quietly stepped out of the room and gently closed the door.  
  
For now, it wasn't me he needed the most.  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~`  
  
  
  
I sat on my bed. Quietly. Staring at the wall.  
  
Perhaps a habit I've developed over the years. After all, being locked up in some kind of dark prison for most your life, there wasn't much to do.  
  
Or maybe a part of me remained the curious child that simply wanted to know what was happening on the other side of the wall.  
  
Tatsumi-san came in a few moments later. He wore the usual serious expression again... not a trace of the gentle eyes I've seen just a while ago.  
  
"How is he? Tsuzuki," I asked.   
  
I didn't bother hiding the concern in my voice. I wondered why... but the answer came to me when I saw the same concern that came back to Tatsumi's eyes.  
  
Of course, this man and I didn't need to hide it. We understood each other - for we shared the same feeling for the same man. Ever since that incident at the Earl's place, Tatsumi and I have had a silent truce, I think. Though we've never said it...  
  
Tatsumi was Tsuzuki's past... and I will be his future.  
  
But right now... is the present... where neither of us was completely willing to give up nor accept.  
  
"He's still shivering a bit, but he'll be alright in a while."  
  
I lowered my gaze on my lap and stared at my pale hands. I said I wanted to protect Tsuzuki too... but what could these small hands do?  
  
"I see... that's good."  
  
Tatsumi stayed quiet. Only the slight sound of our breathing remained.  
  
I kept my gaze on my hands... my incapable hands.  
  
"Tatsumi-san... will you... will you stay by his side?" I heard myself ask.  
  
I watched my own hands tightly gripping the folds of my denim pants as if they themselves were tormented by their own weakness.  
  
Yes, for now, it wasn't me Tsuzuki needed the most.  
  
I didn't look, but I could feel Tasumi-san hesitating for a while.  
  
"I only partnered him for three months... I think you understand him better," he said after a brief pause.  
  
Perhaps.   
  
Perhaps they've only been partners for three months... but they've known each other for decades more than I.  
  
"But..." I started.  
  
But I guess I didn't need to say more. Tatsumi-san knew how I felt after all.  
  
I wanted to stay by Tsuzuki, but I was never good with words.   
  
Tatsumi smiled.  
  
"Just this once, Kurosaki-kun. I'll watch over him. But you'll have to do it next time. That will make him happy."  
  
Will it? Will it make Tsuzuki happy?  
  
But for now...  
  
It wasn't me Tsuzuki needed the most.  
  
Tatsumi-san.  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
  
Sometimes, I laugh at the irony of my thoughts.  
  
I blame Muraki for killing me.  
  
But then I'm glad I died and became a Shinigami.  
  
I tell them I'm not a child.  
  
But part of me always craved for the innocent and carefree childhood I never had.  
  
I hate idiots.  
  
But I love Tsuzuki... the biggest idiot of them all.  
  
I stood and heard a soft thud on the carpeted floor. It was the book I was holding onto. I intended to read it, but I guess I was simply staring at the wall again and forgot about it.  
  
Not bothering to pick it up, I went to the room next to mine where Tatsumi was watching over Tsuzuki.  
  
The door wasn't locked.  
  
I paused.  
  
I could hear Tsuzuki's sobs.  
  
"I-It was my fault! Just because that girl saw me... Muraki... Muraki killed her!"  
  
My hand continued to grip on the doorknob. Just like Tsuzuki to blame himself over everything.  
  
I wanted to run over and comfort him... but somehow... I felt as if... my presence wasn't needed.  
  
Maybe that was really the case.  
  
For now, he had Tatsumi-san.  
  
"Stop saying that, Tsuzuki-san. You didn't do anything wrong," it was Tatsumi-san's firm voice.  
  
"But... b-but..."  
  
"You shouldn't cry anymore, Tsuzuki-san..."  
  
From the little slit on the door where I stood, I could see Tsuzuki wiping his tears with the back of his hand... like a berated child bravely trying to stop crying.  
  
"S-sorry... b-but..." he mumbled.  
  
Tatsumi-san ruffled Tsuzuki's hair. Tsuzuki clung to Tatsumi-san, like a lost child who had just found his mother.  
  
"It's alright..."  
  
I didn't know why I kept on standing there... why I kept on watching, knowing that Tatsumi-san's place was where I wanted to be.   
  
A bond that I can't break...  
  
I took another glance.   
  
Tsuzuki has quieted and Tatsumi-san was tucking him in.  
  
I closed the door.  
  
A strong bond that no one can break...  
  
But...  
  
Every time, I always remember Tsuzuki's words.  
  
He'll protect me and always be at my side.  
  
He maybe a clumsy idiot... but he'll never break his word.  
  
Perhaps... someday, together we'll create an even stronger bond.  
  
But for now... it wasn't me he needed the most.  
  
"Oyasumi, Tsuzuki."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~  
  
a/n: so short... gomen nasai. And yes, I'm planning on a sequel that will focus on Tsuzuki and Hisoka ^o^. Can't promise when though...  
please review^^ thanks. 


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